Is this real life?
Holy freakin’ smokes, y’all. It’s been a crazy 24 hours to say the least, which I’m not because I’m about to tell you all about it in this post like the narcissist I am. Duh.
So, it probably won’t be a huge surprise for some of you that I received a tarot reading yesterday. While I don’t seek out this form of advice frequently, I do like to take any help I can get in life and yesterday presented an opportunity.
I’ve spent pretty much every day of my life after college vaguely depressed because I’m not a writer. On a whim, I would submit a bunch of poetry to random publications, sometimes without even bothering to proofread my work (I know, I’m wincing with you). I feel no small amount of shame at the crap work I’ve let loose in the world. I hope the editors have burned it all. At least the ones that weren’t published, heh.
When I moved to Sacramento a year ago (the anniversary was October 13), I knew I had to shit or get off the pot. (Should I put a disclaimer on my website regarding profanity? Comments welcome.) So, naturally, I stayed on the pot a year longer.
Things are now happening very quickly. I’m breezing through an online proofreading course that’s supposed to take at least 8 months to a year, I’m halfway through; I’ve launchd my website in just a little over a month; AND (this is where I start to question if this is real) I got my first two clients today!
I don’t think I’ve ever been so excited about work before. Is this real life?
Okay, in full disclosure, I know both my clients. Will I take their money? Probably not. Will I use this work to promote my portfolio? Abso-fuckin’-lutely.
The tarot reading yesterday told me that I’m going through a big transformation and with that, naturally, comes fear. If I’m not careful, act too swiftly without thought, there is big potential for disappointment and loss. There is much that is unknown but I have to forge ahead. I’m at a point in my life where I can and should take this big leap of faith. I still have a great full-time job to support myself while I launch this business. I have the support of amazing friends and family. I’m in a loving relationship with a supportive and kind person. There’s support just coming at me from all sides (thank you thank you thank you).
The most important thing that happened in this reading is I pulled a card that essentially told me to have faith in my talent, in myself. I have a gift I need to share with the world, but I need to be brave. I need to be afraid, then I need to be brave. If I can do this, I’ll achieve the perfect balance between my head and heart. I’ll be free to live by my own terms and be in tune with the world unlike I’ve ever been before.
In short, I’m still freaking the fuck out, but I’m ready! I’m ready to let it all go and just be open. To follow my heart, but be tempered by my head.
It just takes a deep breath.